With the arrival of digital TV I have been appointed controller of the new Goblin TV channel. It caters for a wide variety of tastes and here today I will show you a typical schedule.

8:00: - Welcome to Goblin TV - A brief introduction to the channel and the type of shows and services we offer.

8:30: - Goblin's Breakfast - morning show with all the usual things news, reviews, interviews, loos, glues. Also special features including cookery with Kristian Rowan, this week doing "Everything into the pan stew a la brown sauce", and agony aunt Mrs. E. Good will talk about adulterous husbands and preparing to bleed them dry in a divorce settlement.

10:30: - The Amanda Hugg shows - "I want to marry my horse but he already is my father!"

11:00: - The Gwyneth Hardman shows - "I hate my brother", including special guests Brad Pitt's brothers Arm, Flea and Cess.

12:00: - News - The assassination of the Teletubbies ... ops that is not till next week!

12:30: - Goblin Shopping - Home shopping with such products as the Sick Businessman's spellcheker and Amigas, Kristian Rowan cookbooks, Mrs. E Good's book and cheap ex Russian illegal arms from the General.

13:00: - Hooray for Holidays - Travel shows this week I go to Barbados for the rest of my life and I send the General to Kosovo. Meanwhile Sean Galloway goes to the legendary Mount Twattybollocks.

13:30: - The Amanda Hugg shows - More from the Queen of chat "I used to be a man who used to be a woman who used to be a chicken."

14:00: - The Amiga Guild - Naylor and Jayton's weird Amiga cult in honour of the late great computer.

15:00: - Children's TV - Cartoons and show introduced by a bloke dressed up in a cheap Goblin suit.

17:30: - News and Weather.

18:30: - Idiots - Australian Soap.

19:00: - Gran Slam - Top game show were old woman cross busy roads, fight muggers and ride on 100 mph stair lifts.

20:00: - Whale Street - Top soapy drama, will Mr. Kipling find out about the atomic bomb that hit his shop.

20:30: - The Sick Businessman Show - Fun and games. Also an interviews with Jeremy "smug git" Paxoman and Monica Lewdinsky.

21:30: - FILM - Con the Buses - Psycho Blakey takes over a bus.

0:00: - Late News.

0:30: - Scary Tales - The Evil Tots TV Killers.

1:00: - Dirty, Rude, Naughty TV with General E Good - XXXXX action with the General.

2:00: - Public Access.

So it's a great line up but I need people to forward ideas for the shows for the 2 till 5 slot.

Word of the day: Revealing (The nine letter maximum score I got on countdown)

So write to me at:

Mr. Kipling's shop
Cake Road
Yorkshire
007 IMF
or email me at: business_man@usa.net

AND TO RESPOND TO DECEMBERS BUSINESSMANS REPORT:
GENERAL E. GOOD - OUR CHEIF CRITIC


From: General E Good, Earth Force Command

After viewing the Sick Businessman's (Know to Native Americans as "He walks leaving one hell of a footprint) TV schedule, here is my Idea, G.G.T.V.

6:00 :- "Wake up now", Morning TV programme hosted by John Sheridan & Sussan Ivanova featuring Interviews and Interesting articles.

9:00 :- News from I.S.N

9:30 :- "Supermarket Strafe", Machine gun your way through a supermarket with host Kate Aide.

10:00 :- "Fire in the Hole" inventive new Cookery programme using petrol & Napalm.

10:30 :- "Paint Bomb" interior decorating Beirut Style.

11:00 :- "What did you say?" Talk show with Zack Allen.

11:30 :- "Sean Galloway asks the Wall" Just laugh at the fool who thinks walls hear him (A TRUE STORY!!!!).

12:00 :- News by I.S.N.

12:30 :- Sport - Football in a Minefield (Germany V Argentina).

13:00 :- "I'm right , your wrong" Debate featuring G,Kar and LTA Mara.

13:30 :- "Money well Spent?" - Consumer programme with LTA Alexander.

14:00 :- Old Film Time

17:00 :- "U.S Marines at Home" Drama as Marines make everyday decisions like "Bread with jam or butter?" or "Do we invade Panama or Grenada".

17:30 :- "Air Warfare" documentary by the 58th squadron.

18:00 :- News by I.S.N.

18:30 :- Colonel McQueen Interviews Politicians in his own effective style.

19:00 :- "Nuke A Million" Gameshow with John Sheridan"

20:00 :- Episode from "Babylon 5"

21:00 :- Episode from "Space: Above and Beyond"

22:00 :- "Mr Bester Strikes" Nominate a person to publicly humiliated by the Master, First episode involves Wall talking back to Sean Galloway.

23:00 :- News followed by "Late" Film.

1:00 :- Viewers Choice Film

3:00-6:00 :- Viewers Choice programmes, (at this hour we can show ANYTHING!)

This schedule is for one day, other programmes coming up include "Ransack a House of Your Choice" with Mr Modern, "Rent an Airstrike", paranormal investigation program "What a Load of Rubbish" Medical Drama with Steven Franklin and "Ruining other T.V Channel with General E. Good".

My TV channel is sometimes (OK, mostly) conroverial, sometimes funny, often illegal but always Good, Generally Good, particularly when my competition has all the artistic ability of a cluster of Colour-blind hedgehogs; in a bag.

Besides I intend to make sure my Competition has no facilities often I start bombing them. The wonders of Digital T.V.

Any comments are welcome at generalegood@usa.net, directing them to Private S. Bend, chief scheduler.

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The Generals Japes

In court the judge said this is the fifth person you've run over. The Irishman replies not true, one was the same fellow twice

Insults: If the drug squads in there, there is 9 stones pure dope standing next to me.

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